Finding Jesus in a Desolate Place: The Crossroads between Chronic Illness and Faith

Chronic pain and illness have been part of my life for the better part of the last 30 years, but the past year has been marked by some of the most difficult challenges and I now find myself in a time of sorrow with the loss of ability and sense of community. It has come with isolation and time away from everyday tasks that have been a source of joy in the past and yet have taught me a deeper reliance on God and faith in His promises.

Spending time in the Bible and journaling about God’s promises is something that has been a comfort to me throughout this journey and most recently, God led me back to Matthew 14. The stories from this chapter have been recounted many times over. This is the chapter where we learn about Jesus feeding the 5000, where Jesus walks on water and calms the storm, and where he heals those who draw near to him. What an amazing picture of God’s power and sovereignty.

Preceding this passage, Jesus sent out the disciples to teach and heal. Matthew 14 begins with the news of John the Baptist’s beheading. Upon hearing the news, the disciples gather to collect his body and arrange for his burial. In each gospel account, we also see the disciples coming back together with Jesus at that time, recounting their experiences after being sent out in ministry. Upon hearing of the death of John the Baptist and after an intensive time in ministry, Jesus and the disciples withdraw to seek rest. I can only imagine that there must have been sorrow and anger at the injustice of John being beheaded. Yet, there must have also been joy for all that happened during their time in ministry.

This story between the death of John the Baptist and their arrival at the place where they were seeking rest is now striking to me.

What a beautiful example of a life lived on mission and in relationship with others also on mission — going out with full authority, teaching and healing, then regathering to share in one another’s joy, to encourage, to mourn hardships, and then seek rest and solace in Jesus.

What happened next is equally as convicting. As Jesus and the disciples sought rest, they encountered a crowd of people who had followed. When Jesus saw this, his response was to have compassion. He showed compassion and healed the sick. Jesus was well acquainted with sorrow and exhaustion, yet he continued to walk on the path set before Him by His Father.

His ministry did not halt while seeking rest.

What an incredible example of enduring hardship and still moving forward on mission. Seeking rest while still reaching those in need of healing.

This example of Jesus’ life and ministry has been such an encouragement to me. During this most recent time of health challenges, I have experienced God working in many ways. He has used the stillness of isolation to bring me near to Him. He has quieted physical symptoms as others emerged. He has provided strength when I had none. He has provided encouragement from the most unexpected places; a nurse who prayed for my surgery recovery, former students reaching out to seek counsel, hearing of my niece’s joy for a friend who started reading the Bible, and so many others. He has sustained me with His goodness and grace.

Although there is mourning and hardship, I am thankful for them as they have given me hope and greater understanding of who God is. He has been my provider and comforter; my hope is in Him. He has filled me with assurance and knowledge that I am His. As the loss of ability has led to the need for a period of restfulness, I am so thankful for this picture of Jesus and His disciples seeking rest together, finding joy in recounting all of God’s handiwork, and the compassion of Jesus. And even more so for the knowledge that only a little more than a year later Jesus would, again, have compassion and would give his life as a sacrifice in our place.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him (John 3:16–17)